BRAIN DUMP.
1. I need to finish my laundry
2. I need to wash my sheets
3. I need to clean my floors
4. This house really needs paper towels and dish soap
5. How am I going to make 15 dollars last until Saturday morning?
6. I hope I get accepted to GSU.
7. Will Financial Aid cover everything??
8. I am definitely going to Nashville. But…am I going on the 8th or the 19th?
9. When do I get to see Jordin again?
10. Where the hell has Molly disappeared to?
11. Do I REALLY have the money to go to Nashville at all?
12. I want the iphone 4s for Christmas. I deserve it.
13. Why does watching The L Word always make me sappy about my own life.
14. I should really stop obsessing over things I have no control over.
15. I should be looking for a second job.
16. I should be sleeping so I can wake up at a normal hour tomorrow (today).
17. I wonder if GSU received my ACT scores??
18. Are my parents really going to give me the Lovesac’s for my apartment?
19. I really need to start extreme coupon-ing. I want a fucking stockpile, dammit.
20. If I had a stockpile…where would I put it?
21. I hate when a certain person, who shall remain nameless, texts me out of the blue once every 3 months. It’s extremely frustrating.
22. Ever since the weekend before last, I have felt so….lost. All the things that happened that night and the following morning fucked me up big time. I don’t know how I could be so stupid. I don’t know how to fix it. I am so mad at myself. I am so mad at her. I am hurt and angry and confused as to why things took such a drastic turn so fast. It actually kind of broke my heart.
23. I didn’t think anyone could break my heart anymore. I have become so numb to feeling anything since the “Big One”… It’s scary and refreshing to feel things and feel hurt by someone other than the “Big One”.
24. Maybe it’s a good thing if we DON’T see each other anymore. She said she needed some time after everything that happened. Is it insensitive of me to not want to give her that? I just want to be near her….she makes me happy…but shes not ready. If I try to force the situation she will only pull away more. I know it’s there…she knows its there…but she isn’t capable of dealing with those emotions right now. She doesn’t want to hurt me…and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. I have no fucking clue what to do.
25. I miss her and need to see her. The last time I saw her she was so fucking distant it was unbearable. I could see that all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were; probably because I felt it too. I remember having a pain in my chest when I left her that night. I checked my phone ever minute to see if she had at least texted me.
26. How/WHY am I letting my guard down around her. What makes her so special?
27. Okay. What makes her so special:
-The way she laughs.
-The way she is obsessed with her cat.
-Her sense of humor.
-Her style.
-She is completely, 100% original.
-She has goals.
-She is accomplished.
-She is mature but still knows how to have a fucking great time.
-She is SO smart.
-Her glasses. God, I love her glasses.
-She isn’t ashamed to like the things that she likes.
-She isn’t boastful or cocky about who she is.
-She listens to the best music. It’s like she always knows the right song to play.
-She makes fun videos like me.
I’m positive I could think of more.
28. I don’t want to retake my POS test today :P
29. I’m almost out of smokes.
30. I need to cut down on the caffeine.
31. Lauren is in the house all by herself watching TV at 6 am….weird.
32. I wish my mom wanted to do more things with me like we used to.
33. I can’t believe I let my social bullshit interfere with my family’s peace of mind.
34. Why does my cat hate me?
35. If I did get a second job, would I just have to quit it when I move in January?
36. Should I look for a job in the area that I’m moving to?
37. What if I get the job, and then have to make a brutal commute just to stay true to my commitment and keep the job?
38. Who just walked outside?
39. I need to exercise more.
40. Those cupcakes I made tonight were adorable.
41. I should take a baking class.
42. I am so proud of myself for making sure all of my school forms were turned in on time!
43. I wish Tim would leave me alone.
44. I wish I could make my phone’s email notification a different noise from my text messages. It gets me excited for nothing.
My apologies…however, this is MY tumblr after all.
love.
